The Creation of "I Am"

Writing this post has been one of the most challenging pieces in creating the journey that is now know as “I Am”.  In the whirlwind of teaching, connecting, and practicing the tools, the moments to truly sit and reflect are rare – and hence, that much more precious.

“I Am” is a project of healing. The original curriculum emerged through a time where, mourning the loss of my grandfather, I sought a vessel for my voice.  I needed a voice for my sadness, and I needed a place for it to find expression. I believe that everything we do, every choice we make in our lives is an expression of who we are. Sometimes, it is an expression of what we are afraid to say – or simply, what we cannot find the words for.

I didn’t know how to say that I was sad. Even with all of the work I had done with myself, and the years spent working my recovery, I found myself at a loss for words – my voice quiet and my body holding pain. This both frustrated me and fascinated me – how is it that I couldn’t simply say the words, “I am sad.” As a life-long writer, I picked up the one tool that has always helped me find voice – my pen.

I wrote and wrote and wrote about ways in which I have learned to access emotion in my body – I taught myself the first “I Am” lesson through my written reflections. I mourned my grandfather, Asher Shamir (z”l) in a way that also honored his spirit – by writing and teaching myself love. I started to pay more attention to people around me –my friends, my family, my classmates, and particularly – my students. I noticed that I wasn’t the only one struggling. I saw that I was surrounded by people who lived in fear of their own emotional truths. These were –and still are - beautiful, intelligent, talented, successful, influential, compassionate people, and yet still afraid.

The “I Am” Workshops are about giving our bodies – our selves – a voice. Stress is the modern interpretation of our bodies registering danger. Physiologically, our response to stress is the same our ancestors’ response to immediate danger. This is why when it remains untreated, stress is destructive – it rewires our nervous systems and we create unhealthy patterns. We create broken ways to cope because we are, ourselves, broken. After weeks of writing, I had written a series of lessons dedicated to exploring that very dilemma – the dilemma of what is “I Am”.  The hook? Truth. The truth is that no matter how old we are, we want someone to hear and see us. The “I Am” Lessons are about teaching that we can be here for ourselves.

The journey towards The “I Am” Project, and thus the evolution of the lessons traces my own multifaceted road towards healing. On this road, I’ve been blessed with guidance from teachers who have shared the wisdom of their own learning with me.  I am deeply grateful to have been able to share my path with them, and to have had their guidance in my healing. 

My voice started as a squeak when I first found an empathetic therapist – Joy Sanjek – who at the very beginning taught me that despite all I felt was wrong with me, I could see myself with compassion. Through my work with her – spanning 5 years and many long distance moves – I have accessed and owned more of my story. By being able to tell my story, I freed the judgmental voices that kept me in the grip of illness and negative self-image.

This opened my ability to use my story to help others – particularly those who have been affected by assault and violence. Through the careful and nurturing guidance of Iris Stern Levy, activist, feminist, defender of women’s rights and then director of volunteers at The Sexual Assault Crisis Center in Tel Aviv, I learned to listen to the stories of other survivors and use my own to guide them too. My voice grew stronger as I witnessed the power of being given the space to speak.

I further learned to see the strength my body through my Yoga practice and through my diving practice. I learned to exist in harmony with myself in other environments, to trust myself, and to treat my body kindly. I eventually found my way into the boxing ring. It is here, training with Vanessa Chakour, where I learned to access the strength in my body. Vanessa teaches from the tools she has unearthed through her own journey of healing. Training with her allowed me the space to look beyond my body and quiet my mind enough to hear the messages from my spirit. It opened the door for me to access my power, and find my voice. I wrote and reflected on how our training helped me access myself. This eventually turned into a live blog – Finding My Feet – in which I wrote about my experiences in training and eventually, my dance classes.  Through our work together, I had the great honor of witnessing Vanessa claim her own voice as a teacher. She now shares her wisdom, her journey, and her guidance to healing in her Sacred Warrior teachings and workshops.

As I accessed more strength in my body, I also discovered more confidence in myself- and eventually in my steps. I ventured into an avenue that I never thought I would explore – the world of dance through Zumba classes taught by fiercely talented dancer and choreographer, Irena Meletiou. The lessons I have learned about myself through her classes have translated beyond the studio walls. From infusing my own teaching with more presence and confidence, to allowing me the simple peace of existing in my body – I learned that when I offer my best self, I can be strong, balanced, and beautiful.

The combination of their voices in my journey culminated in my reaching the message that I weave into every lesson:

 - It’s okay for you to be you -

I am honored and excited to be partnering with The Minding Your Mind Foundation, Tribe 12 Fellowship, and of course continuing my work with the eVOLVE class at Bala Cynwyd Middle School to continue to grow and nurture "I Am." 

What is the path onward? Only time will tell –my hope is to fill it with more awareness, more empathy, and more kindness in the world. 

Yali Szulanski for The "I Am" Project

What is "I Am"?

The words "I Am" are two of the most powerful. When they are put together, they open an energy that can shape our reality - what we put after them is a piece of our self. It may represent a momentary state of being; an expression of emotion such as, ""I am excited," "I am tired," "I am sad". Though many times what we put behind our "I am" is a reflection of how we see and define ourselves in the world. "I am a dancer," "I am smart," "I am seventeen years old." It is the collection of our "I am"s that composes who we are - that harmonizes together to create, perhaps, the strongest "I am" of all, which is the "I am" that stands alone. 

I Am. 

I Exist. 

I Belong. 

I Matter. 

Each one of us is born into this world with an inherent truth, and we spend our entire lives trying to discover what that is. It is defined by an intricate stitching of our inherited traits, the environment where we are nurtured, our beliefs - both acquired and learned, and where we are in our spiritual evolution. We are each on a journey; we are constantly discovering who we are through what we do, where we go, how we think, and what we create. From the moment we are born, we begin to define our own "I Am". 

​Everyone's SELF is unique. The tapestry we weave comes together in how we learn to interpret the world through our experience. We learn to identify our world through color, through shape, through familiar faces, sights, and sounds. We gather the information and store it into our creation of SELF. The way we understand the world becomes the foundation for how we define our "I Am". 

I AM. 

I see. 

I think.

I believe. 

I feel. 

I Matter.

Each and every one of us matters. Nowadays, we live in a world that makes it too easy for us to forget that. We are consumed by our busy-ness, by our do-ing, by our should-be-doing, by our am-i-doing-enough. Our world is fast paced, impatient, judgmental - we watch our parents struggle with their shame, their attempts to hide their emotion and vulnerability as they strive for unattainable perfection and we swallow it, we weave it into our "I Am".  

We exist in ways that disconnect us from our selves. Our senses are over stimulated. We are dependent on our technology - we spend hours upon hours redefining our image. We have taken the fear of "but what will people think" and we design ourselves around it. We must be perfect. We must produce. We must see life as a war and every stage as a battle. ​Bustling cities, ever-changing technology, Societal prescriptions for what "looks good", demanding jobs and mounting pressure to perform seep into how we define who we are.

We are STRESSED. 

Our children are stressed. They face higher demands from schools under pressure to produce test scores. They are forced to grow up faster - seeing more of the world's harshness and violence at earlier ages. Their bodies race to catch up with their thoughts, their need to perform under the pressures of their academic, familial, and social groups. They forget their voices. They enter the machine of performance, output, scores, numbers, and grades. This is all before they get home, before they face their version of an ever-evolving family structure. Their futures are uncertain and their imaginations are locked away far too early. 

Our "I Am" fades away.

Our "I Am" becomes "I Do."

We are constantly do-ing in order to get ahead of the next wave of stress coming our way. We paddle furiously - throwing money, medicine, and desperation at our stress - begging for it to disappear. We forget that as children, we knew to listen to our bodies. We forget that we once knew to jump for joy when we were happy and cry when we were sad. We forget to teach our children the tools they need to cope. As they grow, they find their own tools - often while they are already battling themselves. Self-harm becomes a way to cope. Our children lose their SELF before they even have a chance to create it. 

We lose our "I Am."  We forget that each and every one of us matters. 

The "I Am" Project was born out of my personal journey in healing. It emerged when while working with kids, I witnessed how much they hungered for ways to help them cope - and saw my young self reflected in their eyes. It has evolved into ways for kids of all ages to find their voices and access their SELF through creativity. It is an initiative to help teach our children (and their parents, teachers, friends...) to honor the messages in their bodies. Through The "I Am" Project we teach to see stress for what it truly is - an indication that we have a need not being met. We learn to understand and accept our emotions by learning how they translate through into our bodies. 

In The "I Am" Project we breathe, we sing, we dance, we box, we jump, we stretch, we draw, we write, we act - we EXPRESS. We show students that they have inherent access to ways in which they can help themselves - in every situation. Our mission is to reach as many schools as we can through workshops that give students (of all ages) the opportunity to tap into their self, to create space to tend to their emotions - and to express them in a safe, open, and nurturing way. 

Through The "I Am" Project, we guide our students to access their true "I Am". We teach that though we are all different, we are all in a journey together and that through it, each and every one of us matters. 

#IAmProject     #I_Matter

Yali Szulanski for The "I Am" Project