Finding balance in our lives is fundamentally what we are tasked with at our first breath. We enter the world with a purpose and a path, and it is up to us to fully discover and understand what that is. If we are lucky, we have a lifetime in which we can explore and uncover our talents, our gifts, and learn the skills that move us forward. Each of us carry with us the wounds in our souls - some of us are born with more than others, and some of us amass wounds as we go through our lives. In either case, each one of us is given a set of circumstances - an incomplete choreography that we must fill in ourselves. When we find the balance within ourselves, we contribute to the balance of our environment and our community -and therefore, our world.
I was always the one to shy away from allowing myself the freedom of movement - often opting to clear the dance floor for those who can wear the beat and music as a second skin. I have usually preferred to hug the corners, ruminating in the rumbles of my own clumsiness - wishing I had the confidence, the bravery to step into the mix and at the very least, try. In addition, a lifetime of struggle with my own identity and worth has translated into years of battle on and within my body and a sharply distorted image of myself. For years, I've worn each scar as a weight, pulling on my ability to free myself from my inner judge, from that force within me working to erase me.
Sometimes, I wake up next to myself. Rather than waking up whole, I feel as though I am sneaking furtive glances at someone that I don’t quite understand. The sun shines through the window and announces morning. Yet, here I am – trying to understand the meaning of being awake. I stand in my spirit rather than with it. I watch, through days and nights passing by me how it urges me to fully take hold of myself, and yet I awaken to mornings of forgotten, and fuzzy dreams. I awake every morning with the same question on my lips, what now?
It is remarkable how many of us are currently carrying emotional burdens. I would venture to say – all of us are in this search for emotional balance in our lives – in ourselves. In times of challenge, each one of us faces our own questions, dilemmas, and the endless pain - sadness, anger, despair - hope, for even hope is painful when there is no energy to attain it. Struggle looks different for each of us. Some of us have the strength within us to persevere, others need support – help. Whether it is the passing of a loved one, an illness, financial worries – or even the simple, yet sometimes crushing stress of every day - a struggle triggers heightened emotions – confusion. Still, it amazes me how little we are willing to see this struggle in each other.
We are not a culture of pause. As adults, when we reach a difficult situation or a conflict with another person, we resort to the fastest and most efficient way to fix it. If there is a problem, we must fix it - and fast - otherwise we will have to face the discomfort that it elicits in us to be in a difficult situation. Unfortunately, this is how we view issues with ourselves as well. We create internal chaos and drama – which in turn, creates it externally as well. Finding balance takes constant work - it is not a path which is clearly defined, nor is it linear. True balance in life is in the form of a dance towards the unknown, around the infinite, and through the shadowed forests of doubt.
I’ve been thinking about this after reading a reflection from one of my students. In class, we honestly and openly talk about negative self talk, about conflicts with ourselves and with our peers. Every time I go into this classroom, we create a space where they are allowed to experience what it means to take care of ourselves - even if we may not like ourselves in a particular moment. In this unit we are confronting ourselves in how we respond to team dynamics. I teach them tools that they can use in conflicts with their teams, where they are able to take care of themselves first and then attempt to resolve. In the class, they are allowed to experience a moment of pause.
She said,
"This week in class I noticed that none of my team members were helping me complete an assignment. I started to get really frustrated and annoyed. As I was walking over to them to tell them to work I stopped and thought, “If I am so annoyed, angry, and aggravated how am I going to ask them to work nicely or even calmly?” I realized that I needed to calm myself down and maybe they would listen to me more. I took deep breaths while clenching and relaxing. After that, I felt much better and ready to face the problem. I went over to them and told them, “I feel stressed out because we have so much work to do and I don’t feel like you guys are participating as much as I think that you could. I appreciate your ideas and I want you to help me with this assignment.” I tried not to use “you statements” when I was talking to them to make it seem less accusing, like you showed us. Anyways, they agreed and we all worked together to complete the assignment which we turned in on time and even had extra time to work on other things! "
Now imagine this scenario multiplied and magnified to global proportions. Imagine, being able to reach solutions through taking care of ourselves. Imagine, adults who are as curious, open-hearted, and free spirited as children? What man or woman would raise their voice or fist against another if they are taught that it is okay for them to have a moment of pause.
We could actually enjoy the awkwardness that life throws at us - imagine practicing a well oiled choreography in a studio whose floor is covered by alternating patterns of feathers and broken glass.
Perhaps, that is how we can dance in our lives - finding the clearest path amidst our joys and our sorrows.
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